So I was expecting my sister to come out and hang out with me today, but she had some stuff to deal with today and couldn't make it. It really bummed me out, but I know it wasn't just that we didn't get to hang out today that bummed me out. I have just felt really unsatisfied with my life lately. I thought moving to Belvidere in high school was going to be a good move but I can't help regretting it.
Yes BHS was a much better environment for me, I was popular and had fun and got great grades but I left behind a small group of amazing people at Prospect and those relationships just aren't the same. Rachel and I made plans to hang here at my house for a bit and then have brunch in Rockford and I am really excited, but scared at the same time.
Rachel and I have made so many plans in the past and she has bailed on so many of them. Out of dozens of plans we have made, one visit has happened and it was one where we met in the middle. With her planning to come out here I can't help but wonder if she'll cancel on me.
I have to be completely honest, it breaks my heart every time she says she'll show up somewhere and then bails. She did it with my wedding, my baby shower, just too many times to count. I'm sick of getting hurt and I know that it is a two way street and I try to make an effort. I message her five times for every one she sends me. I really just don't know what I'm going to do if she doesn't show up Sunday.
I think if she doesn't show up then I'm done, because I'm honestly sick of being second best to everyone. This in no way is in response to my sister not coming to visit, because like I said, she had shit to deal with and that's cool. It just made me think of these other instances in my life where other people have just been leaving me on the sidelines for so long.
When I moved to Belvidere I made friends quickly and in large numbers. Truthfully, after having the friends I did here really made me question the "friends" who I left behind. I'm realizing that few of them really were my friends and I was ditching true friends for the ones I thought were the best for me. She knows who she is and I don't know if she reads this, but I'm so sorry for not choosing you over them.
So it turns out my friends really weren't my friends. They didn't stick with me through the bad shit and they didn't try and keep in contact. Honestly, I am happier and better off without them. Rachel was always one of my true friends, I never had to worry about her loyalty to me. I wouldn't fight so hard to keep a friendship between us if she wasn't truly my best friend. I love her to death still and she is a major player in all my favorite memories.
Everyone needs a tie to their past and I feel like mine is slipping away.
Cycle Day: 18
Temp: 97.16
OPK: I think it's +
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Darn you OPKs darn you!
As you probably noticed, my rant of the day is with OPKs. I have been using them since day 8 of this cycle and have gotten no results so far. When I used to use them I would always have some sort of line that would darken and finally turn positive leading up to ovulation. This time around however, I get no kind of definitive marking until I have let it dry for HOURS. The directions say 5 minutes, but the control line isn't even it's full color after 5 minutes.
I just don't know what to think. Today is cycle day 16, and I had a temp rise of .07, to be safe, we have been bd'ing for the past three days or so and will continue for a couple more, I just wish the stupid things would give me an answer. Now I'm scared that I might not even be ovulating, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
I am pretty psyched for tonight, hubs is on his way home and we're going out to Granite City tonight, just the two of us for dinner. I am going to relax, have a drink, eat and spend some time with hubs. Tonight is date night!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Cycle Day: 16
Temp: 97.4
Opk: -?
I just don't know what to think. Today is cycle day 16, and I had a temp rise of .07, to be safe, we have been bd'ing for the past three days or so and will continue for a couple more, I just wish the stupid things would give me an answer. Now I'm scared that I might not even be ovulating, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
I am pretty psyched for tonight, hubs is on his way home and we're going out to Granite City tonight, just the two of us for dinner. I am going to relax, have a drink, eat and spend some time with hubs. Tonight is date night!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Cycle Day: 16
Temp: 97.4
Opk: -?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Prayers
This will not be my only post today, just my first before I head out shopping with my mom and Hailey. I wanted to share the link below with you and ask everyone who's reading this to pray for the family and poor Benjamin.
As a mom and as someone whose child has been in daycare (I quit my job 3 months after she was born to stay home) this sickens and terrifies me. Honestly, I couldn't survive losing Hailey, I can't imagine what his poor mother must be going through right now.
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/01/day-care-center-reopens-after-boys-death.html
As a mom and as someone whose child has been in daycare (I quit my job 3 months after she was born to stay home) this sickens and terrifies me. Honestly, I couldn't survive losing Hailey, I can't imagine what his poor mother must be going through right now.
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/01/day-care-center-reopens-after-boys-death.html
Monday, January 19, 2009
It still hurts, I miss you.
In memory of my cousin Greg, the poem below is all I will be posting today. He died seven years ago today of an accidental overdose, he was 21. Growing up, my cousins Greg, Andrew and Matt were my best friends, they were always there and we grew up together.
I wrote this a few months after he died.
You left without a word
Silent in the night
No one heard your screams
And now its ringing through my mind
Your pain is finally put to rest
And your body with your soul
The angels came quickly from above
They carried you from that cold dark night
As silently we cry
Your pain we did not know
Your unhappiness we could not conceive
Our love will never vanquish
Our dreams will never die
You took all of your potential
And then you had to die
Every day we pray for you
Our hearts you will never leave
Our tears will never diminish
Our love for you will never die
Even if you did
I wrote this a few months after he died.
You left without a word
Silent in the night
No one heard your screams
And now its ringing through my mind
Your pain is finally put to rest
And your body with your soul
The angels came quickly from above
They carried you from that cold dark night
As silently we cry
Your pain we did not know
Your unhappiness we could not conceive
Our love will never vanquish
Our dreams will never die
You took all of your potential
And then you had to die
Every day we pray for you
Our hearts you will never leave
Our tears will never diminish
Our love for you will never die
Even if you did
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I hate waiting.
It's true, I'm a very impatient person. The only plans I have today are to go to Michaels, grab some scrap booking supplies, check out wedding supplies for my mom and I am going to play around with the flowers, because I am doing all the flowers for my moms wedding. Bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages and any other floral. I'm the craftier of us two, and I did alot of the floral for my own wedding almost three years ago. Three years, geesh. We've been together period, for seven years on March 1. February 14th, 2002 was the day I decided I was going to marry him someday.
So Nick also had something to do today. He does the tech work for his Grandma's company and they have had ongoing problems with her computer. He finally got all the parts and got it fixed but the new video card drivers aren't compatible with Windows 2k, so they are having issues right now. We put Hailey down at 11, he left at 11:30 and he's still gone and she hasn't napped. My afternoon is fail so far.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cycle Day: 13
Temp: 97.51
Opk: -
So Nick also had something to do today. He does the tech work for his Grandma's company and they have had ongoing problems with her computer. He finally got all the parts and got it fixed but the new video card drivers aren't compatible with Windows 2k, so they are having issues right now. We put Hailey down at 11, he left at 11:30 and he's still gone and she hasn't napped. My afternoon is fail so far.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cycle Day: 13
Temp: 97.51
Opk: -
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Melting?
Is it just me that melts at Josh Turner's voice in 'Would you go with me?' or is this a common phenomenon? Because just guh. Yes please. Anywhere.
Good afternoon!!
I am happy to announce that I am now blogging via legal (not borrowed) internet and my two year old is enjoying Fairly Odd parents on tv. God I missed cable!!
Today is going much smoother than yesterday, and today I am making our favorite (tacos) for dinner in celebration of what we have dubbed cable day.
After I woke up, had a toaster strudel and some coffee, I pondered over the wonder that is my sleepy coherency. Every night before bed I take my cell phone and thermometer and put them on my nightstand so I can temp first thing when I wake up. I had doubts, because the other times I had tried to temp it never happened. Miraculously though, on the first morning, I reached over for the thermometer, turned it on, stuck it on my mouth and laid there until it beeped.
The first few days I utilized the reading recall on it, until a day or two ago I started just peeking at the temp with my cell phone. The funny thing is, I remember it all day, even after I enter it into my chart. So far, and I've been going almost a week, it's going very well, I've been able to keep a fairly consist sleep pattern, save the night of the mystery beeping.
So I thought today I would mention my pregnancy and delivery with Hailey. I didn't find out I was pregnant with her until Feburary 14th (Valentine's Day) of 2006, which means I was about 5-6 weeks when I found out. We found out that she was a girl on mother's day and pretty much from conception to about May/June I had horrible morning sickness. I had to take medical leave from my job because they wouldn't allow me to sit, and it started taking a toll on my body.
I had the usual Gestational diabetes testing, and was told I would have to take the three hour test, which I must tell you, completely sucked. The syrupy drink was nasty and they pulled blood each hour. Anyways, I did have GD and was sent for nutritional counseling. I listened to every thing they told me and I followed it to the T, but they must not have thought I would stick to it, because my OB prescribed glyburide to deal with it.
Needless to say I DID follow the diet AND take the medication and it made me hypoglycemic. One afternoon I took a nap and missed lunch/snacks (I had to literally eat something every hour or two to keep my sugar up). When I woke I could barely move, luckily my tester was with me, and when I tested, my blood sugar was 38. That's the lowest it's ever been and it was scary. Also having my cell phone on me, I called Nick who was in class and couldn't understand me, my speech was slurred. He asked me if I tested and all he could make out was 38 and he rushed home to get me some pop.
Seriously the scariest moment ever of my life. I knew what was happening and what I needed to do, but I couldn't get my body to cooperate. They took me off the glyburide then. Because of the GD, I had a weekly ultrasound, non-stress test and doctor's appointment at the hospital and all I can say is thank god for public transportation. Some nurse with obvious issues told me rather harshly that because of my gd, I had a much bigger chance of having a stillborn/late term miscarriage.
THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. She also said if I don't feel the baby for eight hours or more, past a point of regular activity that I should come immediately to the er. In all, I made 11 trips to the emergency room because of this. The last time was two weeks before I was due, and I broke down on the exam room, telling the on-call doctor (who is in the same office) what the nurse had told me, and how scared I was, and that I couldn't lose my baby.
My doctor called and said she would move up my appointment so we could talk about inducing the baby. I was adament in the beginning about her being the one with me in the delivery room and she was on vacation from the day after my due date, for the next two weeks, and she said that the stress and anxiety I was feeling wasn't doing me or the baby any favors. I mentioned that my sugars were erratic, and she said to go ahead and start taking the glyburide again, which I did.
So I go in for the appointment and my sugars are worse, I'm still following the stupid diet and taking the meds. She's worried about that, and then when she takes my blood pressure, it's pretty high for someone who's BP has been pretty stable throughout the whole pregnancy. We decided to induce and we set it up so that I check in that Sunday night (it was Wednesday).
So fast forward to Sunday evening and I'm packed and in the car with hubs, driving the the hospital with my mother in law and both sister in laws in the car behind us. Since it's induced everyone has been called to inform them when I'm going in and we'll call them when the baby is born.
I check in, lala, they all leave to eat and bring something back, and I have chicken tenders with ranch because I don't get to eat again till the baby is born. They do the cervidil, my ils go home and I TRY to sleep. Any position that is comfortable, is not a position where the monitor will stay on. I'm having contractions, I only notice because I watch the monitor. Sometime around 6 am I get up to pee, Nick is asleep and I call to him because I can't get off the bed without help. He's geting up and coming around and my water breaks when I'm half standing, half sitting. Luckily he was not in it's path and I look up and go oops.
And then ow. There's those contractions! So we called the nurse, they checked me, and I was three and it was starting to hurt. I ask when I can have my epidural, they say now. So they gave me a shot of stadol to hold me off till they get here and so I'm slighlty numbed for the procedure. It didn't hurt, I just hugged Nick the whole time.
We call the ils and they come back, even with the epidural the contractions hurt, and it seems like everytime they check me, the epidural wears off and it starts to hurt down there. At some point someone stuck their hand up their to put a monitor on the baby's head. She was still way up there. I stopped looking when I saw their arm dissapear. Still creeps me out.
Fast forward to 10 cm, I still can't push because she's not far enough down, but I feel like I have to. They say I can push a little if it relieves the pain. It does. I cried and screamed and begged for a c-section through transition (last 3 cm) because I thought it was only going to get worse. Pushing was my favorite part, because I could actually do something, and it felt better to push than to do nothing. Just because that was my favortite, did not mean I wanted to push for the four hours I did.
Honestly, when the nurse sat there with her hand pushing on where I needed to focus my push, I did great, but then she would leave and I would make no progress. Finally after like three hours and 40 minutes my doc says I'm going to need a c-section, because the baby is under stress. I begged her to let me try ad few more minutes and have someone push where I needed to focus. So they did and three minutes later she was calling for staff, and trying to break everything down because she was crowning.
Two minutes after that and she was born, no tears, but she was greyish and her breathing was poor. It took about 10 minutes to get her to cry and it was the slowest, most agonizing ten minutes of my life. I couldn't see her because she was surrounded by doctors, and Jacqui, bless her heart was right there with her. I only needed once stitch after the delivered the placenta and fixed me up with ice packs and cranberry juice.
Sometime during the delivery my fil showed with Nick's grandparents after they all got off work. They were ALL in the room, along with my doc, two nurses for me, 3 doctors and two nurses for Hailey. When they finally got her wheeled out in the warmer she was breathing, good color, responsive, her sugars were just messed up so all I got to do was kiss her before they took her to the nicu.
They ordered me dinner and everyone left to go eat and as soon as I was done I was trying to convince my nurse to get me out of the bed, into a chair and down to the nicu. I was supposed to be in recovery for two hours so I could rest and they could get my postpartum room ready. I told her I would stay there for the whole two hours so I wouldn't bother anyone and I would stay in my chair and rest. I wanted to be with Hailey so bad, I was crying and I could tell she understood because she was pregnant.
So I half hopped, half climbed in to the chair and only 30 minutes after delivery got to go sit with her in the nicu. It was horrible to watch them try to put an IV in her head and after a while I finally got to hold her. She was in the nicu for 5 days before she got to come home. While in the hospital (they let me stay as a guest as long as she was there) I was able to use a pump and keep my supply up and feed her, because her sucking reflex wasn't strong enough to directly breastfeed yet. She still wasn't when we left the hospital but they wouldn't let me use the pump. So I went to WIC (which we were getting) to try to get a pump (they give them out). But they said I wouldn't get one until I went back to work, and that I had to establish her at the breast first.
They didn't care that she wasn't strong enough yet, they didn't care that while she was growing stronger, my supply was diminishing, with not being able to pump. Basically it had to be from the breast or nothing, which pisses me off. Breastmilk is breastmilk, it's just as good for her, and I was trying to give it to her in the way that was easiest for her. Excuse me for not wanting to force my child to starve because she couldn't take what I was offering. Sorry for that last rant, it just made me so mad.
I've already told hubs that when we had another one we would be getting a hospital grade pump, even if we have to rent it. Anyways after the delivery they came back and told me that my placenta had stopped working and it had been a few days and if it had been any longer we would have lost her. The scary thing is, there is no way to diagnose a failing placenta until AFTER the delivery. This means that my next pregnancy will end in a scheduled c-section, a couple weeks before I'm due so as not to run in to that problem again.
I won't lie, I am terrified to go through all of this again. It hurt, it sucked, it wasn't fun and I was scared and worried all the time. Just looking at Hailey though is enough to know that I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Saturday, January 17 2009
Cycle Day: 12
Temp: 96.71
Opk: -
Today is going much smoother than yesterday, and today I am making our favorite (tacos) for dinner in celebration of what we have dubbed cable day.
After I woke up, had a toaster strudel and some coffee, I pondered over the wonder that is my sleepy coherency. Every night before bed I take my cell phone and thermometer and put them on my nightstand so I can temp first thing when I wake up. I had doubts, because the other times I had tried to temp it never happened. Miraculously though, on the first morning, I reached over for the thermometer, turned it on, stuck it on my mouth and laid there until it beeped.
The first few days I utilized the reading recall on it, until a day or two ago I started just peeking at the temp with my cell phone. The funny thing is, I remember it all day, even after I enter it into my chart. So far, and I've been going almost a week, it's going very well, I've been able to keep a fairly consist sleep pattern, save the night of the mystery beeping.
So I thought today I would mention my pregnancy and delivery with Hailey. I didn't find out I was pregnant with her until Feburary 14th (Valentine's Day) of 2006, which means I was about 5-6 weeks when I found out. We found out that she was a girl on mother's day and pretty much from conception to about May/June I had horrible morning sickness. I had to take medical leave from my job because they wouldn't allow me to sit, and it started taking a toll on my body.
I had the usual Gestational diabetes testing, and was told I would have to take the three hour test, which I must tell you, completely sucked. The syrupy drink was nasty and they pulled blood each hour. Anyways, I did have GD and was sent for nutritional counseling. I listened to every thing they told me and I followed it to the T, but they must not have thought I would stick to it, because my OB prescribed glyburide to deal with it.
Needless to say I DID follow the diet AND take the medication and it made me hypoglycemic. One afternoon I took a nap and missed lunch/snacks (I had to literally eat something every hour or two to keep my sugar up). When I woke I could barely move, luckily my tester was with me, and when I tested, my blood sugar was 38. That's the lowest it's ever been and it was scary. Also having my cell phone on me, I called Nick who was in class and couldn't understand me, my speech was slurred. He asked me if I tested and all he could make out was 38 and he rushed home to get me some pop.
Seriously the scariest moment ever of my life. I knew what was happening and what I needed to do, but I couldn't get my body to cooperate. They took me off the glyburide then. Because of the GD, I had a weekly ultrasound, non-stress test and doctor's appointment at the hospital and all I can say is thank god for public transportation. Some nurse with obvious issues told me rather harshly that because of my gd, I had a much bigger chance of having a stillborn/late term miscarriage.
THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. She also said if I don't feel the baby for eight hours or more, past a point of regular activity that I should come immediately to the er. In all, I made 11 trips to the emergency room because of this. The last time was two weeks before I was due, and I broke down on the exam room, telling the on-call doctor (who is in the same office) what the nurse had told me, and how scared I was, and that I couldn't lose my baby.
My doctor called and said she would move up my appointment so we could talk about inducing the baby. I was adament in the beginning about her being the one with me in the delivery room and she was on vacation from the day after my due date, for the next two weeks, and she said that the stress and anxiety I was feeling wasn't doing me or the baby any favors. I mentioned that my sugars were erratic, and she said to go ahead and start taking the glyburide again, which I did.
So I go in for the appointment and my sugars are worse, I'm still following the stupid diet and taking the meds. She's worried about that, and then when she takes my blood pressure, it's pretty high for someone who's BP has been pretty stable throughout the whole pregnancy. We decided to induce and we set it up so that I check in that Sunday night (it was Wednesday).
So fast forward to Sunday evening and I'm packed and in the car with hubs, driving the the hospital with my mother in law and both sister in laws in the car behind us. Since it's induced everyone has been called to inform them when I'm going in and we'll call them when the baby is born.
I check in, lala, they all leave to eat and bring something back, and I have chicken tenders with ranch because I don't get to eat again till the baby is born. They do the cervidil, my ils go home and I TRY to sleep. Any position that is comfortable, is not a position where the monitor will stay on. I'm having contractions, I only notice because I watch the monitor. Sometime around 6 am I get up to pee, Nick is asleep and I call to him because I can't get off the bed without help. He's geting up and coming around and my water breaks when I'm half standing, half sitting. Luckily he was not in it's path and I look up and go oops.
And then ow. There's those contractions! So we called the nurse, they checked me, and I was three and it was starting to hurt. I ask when I can have my epidural, they say now. So they gave me a shot of stadol to hold me off till they get here and so I'm slighlty numbed for the procedure. It didn't hurt, I just hugged Nick the whole time.
We call the ils and they come back, even with the epidural the contractions hurt, and it seems like everytime they check me, the epidural wears off and it starts to hurt down there. At some point someone stuck their hand up their to put a monitor on the baby's head. She was still way up there. I stopped looking when I saw their arm dissapear. Still creeps me out.
Fast forward to 10 cm, I still can't push because she's not far enough down, but I feel like I have to. They say I can push a little if it relieves the pain. It does. I cried and screamed and begged for a c-section through transition (last 3 cm) because I thought it was only going to get worse. Pushing was my favorite part, because I could actually do something, and it felt better to push than to do nothing. Just because that was my favortite, did not mean I wanted to push for the four hours I did.
Honestly, when the nurse sat there with her hand pushing on where I needed to focus my push, I did great, but then she would leave and I would make no progress. Finally after like three hours and 40 minutes my doc says I'm going to need a c-section, because the baby is under stress. I begged her to let me try ad few more minutes and have someone push where I needed to focus. So they did and three minutes later she was calling for staff, and trying to break everything down because she was crowning.
Two minutes after that and she was born, no tears, but she was greyish and her breathing was poor. It took about 10 minutes to get her to cry and it was the slowest, most agonizing ten minutes of my life. I couldn't see her because she was surrounded by doctors, and Jacqui, bless her heart was right there with her. I only needed once stitch after the delivered the placenta and fixed me up with ice packs and cranberry juice.
Sometime during the delivery my fil showed with Nick's grandparents after they all got off work. They were ALL in the room, along with my doc, two nurses for me, 3 doctors and two nurses for Hailey. When they finally got her wheeled out in the warmer she was breathing, good color, responsive, her sugars were just messed up so all I got to do was kiss her before they took her to the nicu.
They ordered me dinner and everyone left to go eat and as soon as I was done I was trying to convince my nurse to get me out of the bed, into a chair and down to the nicu. I was supposed to be in recovery for two hours so I could rest and they could get my postpartum room ready. I told her I would stay there for the whole two hours so I wouldn't bother anyone and I would stay in my chair and rest. I wanted to be with Hailey so bad, I was crying and I could tell she understood because she was pregnant.
So I half hopped, half climbed in to the chair and only 30 minutes after delivery got to go sit with her in the nicu. It was horrible to watch them try to put an IV in her head and after a while I finally got to hold her. She was in the nicu for 5 days before she got to come home. While in the hospital (they let me stay as a guest as long as she was there) I was able to use a pump and keep my supply up and feed her, because her sucking reflex wasn't strong enough to directly breastfeed yet. She still wasn't when we left the hospital but they wouldn't let me use the pump. So I went to WIC (which we were getting) to try to get a pump (they give them out). But they said I wouldn't get one until I went back to work, and that I had to establish her at the breast first.
They didn't care that she wasn't strong enough yet, they didn't care that while she was growing stronger, my supply was diminishing, with not being able to pump. Basically it had to be from the breast or nothing, which pisses me off. Breastmilk is breastmilk, it's just as good for her, and I was trying to give it to her in the way that was easiest for her. Excuse me for not wanting to force my child to starve because she couldn't take what I was offering. Sorry for that last rant, it just made me so mad.
I've already told hubs that when we had another one we would be getting a hospital grade pump, even if we have to rent it. Anyways after the delivery they came back and told me that my placenta had stopped working and it had been a few days and if it had been any longer we would have lost her. The scary thing is, there is no way to diagnose a failing placenta until AFTER the delivery. This means that my next pregnancy will end in a scheduled c-section, a couple weeks before I'm due so as not to run in to that problem again.
I won't lie, I am terrified to go through all of this again. It hurt, it sucked, it wasn't fun and I was scared and worried all the time. Just looking at Hailey though is enough to know that I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Saturday, January 17 2009
Cycle Day: 12
Temp: 96.71
Opk: -
Friday, January 16, 2009
Crappy day and its not even noon yet.
Allow me to just say
ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok, sorry, tantrum over.
There has been a mysterious beeping throughout our house since yesterday afternoon. There was no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes it would be one short beep sometimes it would be a series of beeps lasting over a minute. We checked all the logical devices, cell phones, smoke detectors, CO detectors and nada.
We knew it had to be coming from the basement, because it was loudest down there, and I could hear is clear as a bell through the vent next to our bed. Needless to say, I didn't sleep last night. So we called someone over to take a look and it turns out there is a smoke detector hidden in the basement. There's no smoke down there, and if it was just the battery, it would only beep once, at regular time intervals. Needless to say the battery has been removed. There has been no beeping since.
This brings up another issue. I hate my basement, it is the scariest place I have ever been. Scarier than the delivery room even. It has low ceilings, which are covered in cobwebs. The stairs are short and narrow, and you have to crouch don't so you don't hit your head and there's no rail to hold on to. That and well while I was down there with the guy, a bat flew overhead, so what did I do? Drop to the floor with my hands over my head and scream.
We had a bat about 2 months ago, and when I realized what it was (it was circling the dining room, which is where I was on the computer) I screamed and ran for the bedroom, hiding under the covers until hubs managed to capture it and get it out of the house. Then like two weeks ago, we realized we had a mouse in the house. We were co-habituating until he started pooping in drawers. We set traps out Wednesday night and by Thursday morning we had caught him. Of course I couldn't go into the kitchen without looking and crying, but hubs took care of it when he got home.
Then the mystery beeping started yesterday and then once we got it to stop we have another bat. I'm seriously going crazy here. I want things to stay out of my mother flipping house! I was looking forward to winter, so we wouldn't experience bugs, but I almost prefer the occasional spider to all this crap.
I am so ready for spring it's not even funny. Last winter the worst thing we had to deal with was a leak in the roof due to the amount of snow (which we are watching for carefully). That was easy to fix. I want to be able to set up Hailey's pool outside, and and work on my flowers and I am just SO sick of snow. I like it until Christmas, and then it NEEDS TO GO.
Ok, so I know this has nothing to do with trying to conceive, and I was going to outline my pregnancy/delivery of Hailey to give you some more insight, but this just HAD to come out or I was going to pull my hair out.
Trying to stay a little bit on topic, here are today's stats.
Friday, January 16 2009
Cycle Day: 11
Temp: 97.08
Opk: -
ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok, sorry, tantrum over.
There has been a mysterious beeping throughout our house since yesterday afternoon. There was no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes it would be one short beep sometimes it would be a series of beeps lasting over a minute. We checked all the logical devices, cell phones, smoke detectors, CO detectors and nada.
We knew it had to be coming from the basement, because it was loudest down there, and I could hear is clear as a bell through the vent next to our bed. Needless to say, I didn't sleep last night. So we called someone over to take a look and it turns out there is a smoke detector hidden in the basement. There's no smoke down there, and if it was just the battery, it would only beep once, at regular time intervals. Needless to say the battery has been removed. There has been no beeping since.
This brings up another issue. I hate my basement, it is the scariest place I have ever been. Scarier than the delivery room even. It has low ceilings, which are covered in cobwebs. The stairs are short and narrow, and you have to crouch don't so you don't hit your head and there's no rail to hold on to. That and well while I was down there with the guy, a bat flew overhead, so what did I do? Drop to the floor with my hands over my head and scream.
We had a bat about 2 months ago, and when I realized what it was (it was circling the dining room, which is where I was on the computer) I screamed and ran for the bedroom, hiding under the covers until hubs managed to capture it and get it out of the house. Then like two weeks ago, we realized we had a mouse in the house. We were co-habituating until he started pooping in drawers. We set traps out Wednesday night and by Thursday morning we had caught him. Of course I couldn't go into the kitchen without looking and crying, but hubs took care of it when he got home.
Then the mystery beeping started yesterday and then once we got it to stop we have another bat. I'm seriously going crazy here. I want things to stay out of my mother flipping house! I was looking forward to winter, so we wouldn't experience bugs, but I almost prefer the occasional spider to all this crap.
I am so ready for spring it's not even funny. Last winter the worst thing we had to deal with was a leak in the roof due to the amount of snow (which we are watching for carefully). That was easy to fix. I want to be able to set up Hailey's pool outside, and and work on my flowers and I am just SO sick of snow. I like it until Christmas, and then it NEEDS TO GO.
Ok, so I know this has nothing to do with trying to conceive, and I was going to outline my pregnancy/delivery of Hailey to give you some more insight, but this just HAD to come out or I was going to pull my hair out.
Trying to stay a little bit on topic, here are today's stats.
Friday, January 16 2009
Cycle Day: 11
Temp: 97.08
Opk: -
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Getting Started
I guess this since this is my ttc blog, I might as well get you caught up to speed as of late. My husband Nick and I married in 2006, shortly before the birth of our daughter Hailey. She was conceived New Year's Eve of 2005 and born October 2nd, 2006. We weren't trying at the time, but we also were not preventing. We had not been using protection on and off for the prior four years before I got pregnant. I'll explain why.
When I was 15, I had messed up cycles, I would skip a month or two so my mom took me to the doctor. I was told that I was not skipping months, my cycle was merely 50+ days. They put me on ortho-tri-cyclene to regulate and soon I was at 28 days. Shortly after that I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and was told I would never have kids. Needless to say telling a 16 year old who wanted nothing more to be a mom, that she would never have kids was devastating.
Several blood tests, workups later they told me I wasn't ovulating and suggested I go through a course of biposies. They started with the ovaries, uterus and cervix and the cells were all non-cancerous. Satisfied with the PCOS diagnosis, they put me on mediciation to shrink the cysts, with instruction to come back in six months for an ultrasound to check their size.
Due to change in my mom's insurance I saw someone else for that ultrasound and had my files sent over. Needless to say I was shocked when the ultrasound showed no cysts at all, or any sign of ever having them. They told me I had been misdiagnosed, took me off the medication, had me continue the birth control and it seemed that ovulation was hit or miss for me.
Fast forward years later, still no answers, still not knowing if I could have kids or not I had just come home from a check-up. I noticed something odd, everytime I had bloodwork done, they would casually mention oh your iron looks a little low. I did some research and figured it could be causing the extreme fatigue I had been feeling. All the research said that you lose large amounts of iron during your period, due to the loss of blood, so I started taking iron supplements.
I stopped taking the pill, and while still taking the iron, was still at approximately a 28 day cycle. Two months later I couldn't believe it when I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand. It was the worst timing, sure I was full time in a manager position at Jewel, but Nick was working part time and going to school full time. We had a one bedroom apartment and not a lot too our name, but I didn't have it in me to get upset. I was elated.
That pregnancy had it's shares of ups and downs (mostly downs) and because of them (I will explain in later posts) it will most likely end up in a 36 week c-section. Fast forward to August 2008. I want another baby and I knew that if it didn't happen before Hailey was out of diapers, that I would never go back. Hence that month we started trying. No luck until September, 58 days came and went with no + hpt. A few days later I started bleeding heavily, and when I went to the doctor I was told I was miscarrying, my hcg level was hovering around 4 and would most likely be to zero by the time I got home. It was a chemical pregnancy, meaning the sperm and egg joined, but nothing ever formed.
This happened the day before Hailey's 2nd birthday party, so as you can imagine I tried to look as happy as I could while still in pain despite the medication my doctor prescribed. I also had another chemical pregnancy earlier that year, in April, which the doctor did not see me for. She also prescribed meds for pain, and said she didn't need to see me unless the bleeding didn't stop after 3 days or I passed any abnormal looking clots.
I started using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) in September, and they have been proving helpful, but so far we have been unsuccessful. This month (just three days ago in fact) I started temping and charting in addition to the opks. So every day I will post the cycle day, my temp and the opk results, as I know several of my friend/family who are currently trying to concieve or have recently conceieved after having a tough time.
January 15, 2009
Temp: 97.05
Opk: -
If I can find a way, I will also try to post a link to my chart on Fertility Friend.
<3Sara
When I was 15, I had messed up cycles, I would skip a month or two so my mom took me to the doctor. I was told that I was not skipping months, my cycle was merely 50+ days. They put me on ortho-tri-cyclene to regulate and soon I was at 28 days. Shortly after that I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and was told I would never have kids. Needless to say telling a 16 year old who wanted nothing more to be a mom, that she would never have kids was devastating.
Several blood tests, workups later they told me I wasn't ovulating and suggested I go through a course of biposies. They started with the ovaries, uterus and cervix and the cells were all non-cancerous. Satisfied with the PCOS diagnosis, they put me on mediciation to shrink the cysts, with instruction to come back in six months for an ultrasound to check their size.
Due to change in my mom's insurance I saw someone else for that ultrasound and had my files sent over. Needless to say I was shocked when the ultrasound showed no cysts at all, or any sign of ever having them. They told me I had been misdiagnosed, took me off the medication, had me continue the birth control and it seemed that ovulation was hit or miss for me.
Fast forward years later, still no answers, still not knowing if I could have kids or not I had just come home from a check-up. I noticed something odd, everytime I had bloodwork done, they would casually mention oh your iron looks a little low. I did some research and figured it could be causing the extreme fatigue I had been feeling. All the research said that you lose large amounts of iron during your period, due to the loss of blood, so I started taking iron supplements.
I stopped taking the pill, and while still taking the iron, was still at approximately a 28 day cycle. Two months later I couldn't believe it when I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand. It was the worst timing, sure I was full time in a manager position at Jewel, but Nick was working part time and going to school full time. We had a one bedroom apartment and not a lot too our name, but I didn't have it in me to get upset. I was elated.
That pregnancy had it's shares of ups and downs (mostly downs) and because of them (I will explain in later posts) it will most likely end up in a 36 week c-section. Fast forward to August 2008. I want another baby and I knew that if it didn't happen before Hailey was out of diapers, that I would never go back. Hence that month we started trying. No luck until September, 58 days came and went with no + hpt. A few days later I started bleeding heavily, and when I went to the doctor I was told I was miscarrying, my hcg level was hovering around 4 and would most likely be to zero by the time I got home. It was a chemical pregnancy, meaning the sperm and egg joined, but nothing ever formed.
This happened the day before Hailey's 2nd birthday party, so as you can imagine I tried to look as happy as I could while still in pain despite the medication my doctor prescribed. I also had another chemical pregnancy earlier that year, in April, which the doctor did not see me for. She also prescribed meds for pain, and said she didn't need to see me unless the bleeding didn't stop after 3 days or I passed any abnormal looking clots.
I started using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) in September, and they have been proving helpful, but so far we have been unsuccessful. This month (just three days ago in fact) I started temping and charting in addition to the opks. So every day I will post the cycle day, my temp and the opk results, as I know several of my friend/family who are currently trying to concieve or have recently conceieved after having a tough time.
January 15, 2009
Temp: 97.05
Opk: -
If I can find a way, I will also try to post a link to my chart on Fertility Friend.
<3Sara
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